![]() ![]() I’ll bet Shaq never signs things “Love, Shaq” because the B52s pretty much ruined that for him. She tweets all the things that you wished you had thought of first. Very few people can take the ordinary and spin it into something absolutely hilarious as well as Gloria. Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces Not only will you want to follow her, you’ll want to turn on her notifications so there’s not a chance you’ll miss a single one of her tweets. It’s honestly not fair to see how funny Audrey is. HEADS UP: if I can’t get around you on the sidewalk, I join your family If she’s doing a show near you, do yourself a favor and check it out.ĭon’t be part of the problem, be the whole problem The only thing better than reading her tweets is watching her perform live. No one is better at making the simple more hilarious than Aparna. Unless you’re a bee, in which case home is a terrible place filled with bees. She’s one of the best.īabies love to shake things, but hate to be shaken. Not only does she write the jokes your friends quote from the Internet, she writes the jokes your friends quote from late night television, as well. LIFE HACK: If a public restroom is locked, violently yank the door handle over and over like a gorilla and never accept that it’s occupied She does jokes, and she does them well.īehind every YouTube star is an Ikea bookshelf Karen has done it all and is constantly writing for television and performing onstage, yet still finds time to tweet hilarious jokes on a near constant basis. It’s a rare combination that’s so good, she should be a required follow when creating an account.ĭear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.Ĭhoose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn’t hiring. Maura is as smart as she is funny and incredibly nice on top of that. Me: someone who will hold the cats down so I can take pics of them wearing sunglasses. Him: what are you looking for on this dating site? Not only is she a great source of original jokes, following her is a fantastic way to find other accounts you may have missed.Īm I…are we… is this a date? *elevator opens & he leaves* She absolutely kills it on Twitter and has the ability to find so many funny tweets from people you’re probably not following. ![]() There’s no uncreepy way to eat alone in your car.Īll I’m saying is that I’ve never seen Hulk Hogan’s pubes and Donald Trump’s hair in the same room. She’s pretty much a necessity to your timeline. She hits on pop culture, politics, random observations and everything else in between. If I’m ever being chased by a giraffe I’m gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans sorry giraffe but I gotta do what’s best for meĬan’t believe how different booty calling and butt dialing areĮden can do it all. She’s one of those people that you can constantly rely on for solid jokes no matter what. My friend texted me back “yeah” with a period at the end so I guess she agrees with me but also wants me to dieĪmber can take just about anything and turn it into a hilarious joke. She definitely won’t flood your timeline with countless tweets every day, but you’ll look forward to each and every thing she posts.ĭATING TIP: If you fill up a backpack with hot bread and wear it to bed it feels like spooning Sorry if you thought everything I’ve said since is ShakespeareĬharlene has such a unique voice. Sample Tweet: "Getting elected in order to secure future Fox News contributor contracts, lobbyist jobs, think tank vanity projects for liberal Republican donors & invitations to Tim Cook & Jeff Bezos's next house parties.Realized I never said “unquote” after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Her tweets are funny, sharp, and informative. Unlike many high-profile political tweeters, Malkin isn't too proud to retweet or "tell it like it is" to her followers. Once a Fox News contributor, she occasionally promotes her appearances on programs and columns, and she almost always offers amazing insight into what's happening in the world of government and politics. Her tweets often have an edge to them and sometimes provide links to her own insightful blogs or to other excellent conservative content. One of the most interesting conservatives on Twitter, Michelle Malkin is an accomplished author, blogger, and political commentator. Sigrid Olsson/PhotoAlto Agency RF Collections/Getty Images ![]()
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